Club soccer

Three guys sat down at the bar and told me they were "champions". I thought, this can only mean one thing. I was right. After shouting about how my martini was so good, he was going to call it a G-spot, the ringleader of the three called his buddy and told him to put his phone on vibrate and leave it next to his scrotum. Thank god somebody finally had the wit and insight to make a joke about vibrating phones and scrotums! Who would have thought. My co-bartender asked them to please be respectful and keep their voices down, as his wife and two year old daughter were dining four feet away from them at the bar. The ringleader, showing the other two how to "live it up", ordered a steak tartare, which his friends refused to eat. "You guys are crazy," he kept insisting. "Steak tartare is amazing! It's extravagant. It's a delicatessen!" 

Note: I am very obnoxious when I am drunk. I do, however, know how to pick my bars as well as separate my nouns from my adjectives. 

Happy Thanksgiving!