This Is What She Said:

From Miss M:

"dear semi-sexy painter guy that i've been trying to make-out with for the past two weeks,

thank you very much for being such a wonderful host last night. i am so glad that i decided to leave my two amazing friends and the hot irish guy who was hitting on me to go over to your place.

after driving 30 minutes at 3 am to see you, i really appreciated the fact that you were inordinately wasted when i arrived. i loved how you could barely get off your ass to open the door for me. the tantalizing aroma of cheap wine, burning plastic and weed that seeped out of your pores was mesmerizing. god you're hot. i particularly enjoyed how your two friends didn't talk to me at all, and how the girl gave me the death stare when i said that i like disney movies. it was just great meeting your friends.

oh and the farting, how charming! you really know how to turn a girl on.

but i think what made the night absolutely perfect was your complete lack of balls. it is so refreshing to find a guy who is too apathetic about everything in his life to realize that a chick just wants to fuck him. i'm really glad we didn't have sex.

thanks for a fantastic night, asshole.

love,
the chick who definitely does not want to fuck you anymore."